Being a homosexual male in my late 40s, my life has involved numerous, largely pleasurable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I was in a committed partnership that lasted four years, however I never felt completely content, in that I didn't experience love nor sexually nourished. Truthfully, I have always craved uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin to date any man, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with new partners again.
Currently, I'm contemplating if I’ll ever be able to sustain a faithful partnership. I understand that many gay men have open relationships, but from my observations, they have seemed demanding, frequently resulting in lots of heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I desire a partner to love me while letting me pursue other intimacies, however I dread to imagine the emotional drain this might create. Is it best to keep having casual sex and acknowledge that a long-term relationship is not possible? I feel a bit lost.
Every person’s sexual journey varies. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your ability to tolerate various forms of intimate connections in a finite way. What you need as you are experiencing them now may well change in the future; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover greater understanding and a comfortable path … or not. At some point you might meet a person who provides a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and engaging in the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your energy. Try to be present with your partners, and see the value of every individual with whom you might have a sexual connection. When and if you are ever ready to strengthen genuine closeness with one partner, it will be clear.
Elara is a seasoned writer and digital nomad who shares her adventures and expertise in lifestyle and technology.
Ashley Carter
Ashley Carter
Ashley Carter
Ashley Carter